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[ mood | determined ]

7 Feb 2009.
I learnt a lot from one night.
I am on a path of self destruction.
Majority of us are.

The mothers love for their child is never completely demonstrated. Children never understand until they are in the same situation... but rarely, children do see. The mothers sacrifice for their child is beyond selflessness. It is an act of pure love which in turn makes them suffer completely. Just another chance they are giving. Another chance that the child could see and can change their path and live to be what the mother saw from the beginning.

The path of least resistance is to go with the flow, live the life you are dealt with and just cope the only way you know how. But what if there is more to it....
I have lived with more than people think I could have. Even though there are few who know nearly everything about me, there is always another story... another tear. Something else I can make myself suffer for. But the past is the past, and I can not change that.... I have no choice but to live with it. What I am doing is "fun" but who does it help? Should I be so selfish!

I look at Annabel and knew she was the most amazing person is the world. No one else so happy. No one else so outgoing and kind. Always there. Never backstabbing. She was one in a lifetime... the person you dream of meeting because you could not possibly believe they exist. Is this why most arseholes never die? Does this mean I will never die? I do believe you do not die until you have completed what ever the fuck it is that you are meant to do. Life is finding out what that is.

What has happened, has happened. I will not regret... because at one stage it was everything I wanted. But I will change. Not to be so selfish. I will act like a mother towards their child... selfless acts of love. Not to punish myself for the past, but to learn. I believe I will be a new person.... a better person. A slow change yes, but it will happen.

Just promise me one thing... learn to believe. Learn to live. Learn to love. Learn to let go of everything and to stop giving yourself the excuse. This is not about you, it is about everyone around you.

I love you.

Got milk?

.... [Sun]
I miss the days we spent together....

the random comments...

the messages of complete stupidity...


5 days and one year....................  there is nothing i want more.

To Katrina [Sat]

Got milk?

[ mood | bouncy ]

To follow on from Kat

Things that are FTW:
being ahead at work and actually doing it all by 12.
gaining a bestfriend.
blood test results being good.
just amanda in general.

Things that are not so FTW:
issues/drama with a fake friend.
sick still.
gained weight.
still awake.


Got milk?

[ mood | happy ]

Have you ever met someone, then instantly love them to bits.
Straight away, they have a place in your heart.
You do anything for them.
They go out of their way just to get to talk to you.
Just spend the day doing nothing yet could not be happier.
You want to tell them stuff because you want them to know you.
They tell you stuff they haven't told others because they want you to know them.
You are both so alike.
You understand eachother.
It is like you have been friends for years.
They run away from the world, yet still demand to see you.

Times like these, I know everything happens for a reason.

Rare moment.

2 >> Got milk?

*pauses* [Fri]
Taking a break from LJ
There is only one person who will read this anyway....

Found out, I really shouldnt tell anyone anything.
But I am not getting in to detail here, or pretty much with anyone.

So fairwell LJ atm, GOOD-FUCKING-BYE

Got milk?

This cough is horrible. I have been coughing for days and it seems to only be getting worse....

From dry cough to flem cough.
But I have lost more weight from this sickness....
which adds to my addiction even more.
I am eating(barely)....
these strawberries were a waste of time though.
Should have not eaten them.
Got milk?

Right at this stage.

I can honestly state:
I absolutely adore very few people. Without these people, WHO WOULD LISTEN?
They hear me. They understand me. They know what I have gone through...
You see me as someone who complains....
Yes, I do. LMAO

But, right now I am happy. I am in love... yes, I am in love with my bestfriends.
They may not call me their bestfriends, BUT I am in love with them. Not romantically.
but it is more than nust love. I do not want to live without them, EVER.
I want to die before them, because if they died before me:
Think about those elderly couples, who have been in love for over 50years.
One dies, weeks later the other dies.
That will be me.
I just hope they one day know, how much I love them.

WOW I speak about death a lot.

I can not go a day without talking to Katrina or Michael by either sms or msn or in person.
[seriously a major struggle]
Imagine not being able to....
I can not do it.

Katrina, if I EVER did anything against you.... I am so sorry.
You are everything to me XD
*sniffs amyl*
Michael, even though you will never read this.
I am in love with you.
I never understand how ANYONE could ever lose you.... YOU ARE SO FUCKING AMAZING
and you just licked my face.

2 >> Got milk?

Miss Charlie Fry [Thu]
[ mood | happy ]


Got milk?

[ mood | sick ]

How I was SOOOO excited about eating??
Yeah well now I cant chew. I can barely swallow.

My lip has clearly been infected [from where HE cut me]
but I have enough antibiotics to last a school for a month or two
so I will be okay... just

What is worse, is that I can barely drink.... but I managed to get down 1&1/2 bottles of water today
YES I DID IT. It only took me a whole day, and thats pretty much the only water I have had since fri.
The only other water is when I am taking pills.
So I will clearly die from being dehydrated....
oh yes, so... I cant eat. and now, with all that water... I WANT TO THROW IT BACK UP!
so it'd fucking hurt

I really just want this to be over.

Got milk?

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